Who Are You Allowing To Influence Your Life?

The Bible is full of clear instructions: both what to do and what we should not do. One of the things that it encourages us is that we should be careful who we choose as our friends and influences. We forget that, even in the smallest things, our peers and friends guide many of our choices and decisions.

Psalm 1 – Blessed in Our Walk

The Psalmist David, in Psalm 1, provides vivid imagery about what should not be our influence. He states:

Psalm 1:1-3

How happy is the man
who does not follow the advice of the wicked
or take the path of sinners
or join a group of mockers!
Instead, his delight is in the LORD’s instruction,
and he meditates on it day and night.
He is like a tree planted beside streams of water
that bears its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.¹

In this passage we see two progressions. The progression of the man walking and what the person ends up being. First, he walks with or takes the advice of the wicked. Then, he takes of the path of sinners, which leads him being part of a group of mockers. In the KJV, we see this as walk, stand, sit, but both convey the same path.

We may not think that we are far from God because we just walk with the ungodly, but David says that there is a pattern, where we can end up sitting and identifying with the scornful. We may think we’re only engaging in some sin, or accepting some of the world into or lives, but this slippery slope is no fallacy. Even if we only ever follow the advice of the world, we’re not following after God and we are being impacted and prevented from living our lives to the fullest.

The preferred choices is at the end– do not let the world define your worldview, but have God do it instead. Spend time in God’s word, meditate on it day and night. Let it marinate in your brain, impact who you are and inform your actions. If our preferred influence are things that are not godly, then we’re walking with the world, and we rob ourselves of blessing if we walk with God instead.

Some examples of each of these groups in the world today?

• The Ungodly (ignoring God’s ways) – Family of Origin, Work Culture, Entertainment, Peer Pressure
• The Sinners (missing the mark) – Pornography or sexualized media, Financial Pressures/Consumerism, Unhealthy friendships, Conflict Patterns
• The Scornful (ridicule marriage) – Online voices/influencers, Coworkers/friends, Media commentary, extended family

Proverbs 13:20 – Who Will You Walk With?

Obviously, we’re going to walk with our partners– we made a covenant until death! But what families and groups are you going to associate with– what should you look for?

You need friends who will:

• Going to point you toward working things out with your spouse
• Going to pray with you
• Going to be there when times are difficult– be there for each other

You also need to be careful that if you find negative influences toward you and your marriage, you limit your exposure to them or cut them off entirely. If a group encourages things that would harm your marriage, they definitely need to go, but you also have to consider things that might not be sin, but that would hinder you in your walk or testimony– good things like sports or events that would keep you away from your ability to be faithful members of your church, that hurt your ability to spend time with family, or good things that you are just not able to do during this season of your life that you can pick back up in the next.

Life is a journey, and good friends will be with you for some or all of it. Think of it as a marathon, rather than a sprint.

Romans 12:2 – Do not be Conformed, Be Transformed

The key to a thriving marriage is found in transforming who we are to be like Christ. Marriage in and of itself is a sanctifying influence. We learn to give up ourselves daily for someone that lives with us– and then many that live with us (parents, children, others). We learn to work together with one another as a couple, our likes and dislikes and how to function.

If we draw closer to Christ, then we will draw closer as a couple, and this transformation will make us resistant to the herd’s influence. Instead, we are the influencers!

Our marriages show off Christ and the Church to those around us. He needs to be our foundation, even when it doesn’t seem like you have the time.

Especially in the early years of marriage, you need to form godly habits, determine your values, and seek to put him first. If you haven’t already, you should:

• Think through your family’s vision together.
• Figure out what your non-negotiables are
• Decide on what are only nice-to-haves

Focus on Christ and plan for the future, and you’ll be well guarded against the impulses to join the herd.

1. The Holy Bible: Holman Christian standard version. (Ps 1:1–3). (2009). Holman Bible Publishers. [↩]